It is my honor to print the blog post I wrote for Listen to Your Mother.

I used to be care free. I traveled the world on my own, danced with cute guys I didn’t know, capsized while white water rafting, risked heartache for love, and got my heart broken.  I’ve dodged suicide bombers in Israel, escaped grizzly bears in Alaska, and snorkeled the sharked filled Great Barrier Reef.

I used to live FEARLESSLY.

Then, I become a mother.

I was 34 years old, when my 1st son, at age 2, was diagnosed and hospitalized with viral induced asthma. He was losing oxygen fast and had to be given steroids and oxygen for over 48 hours.

Thanks goodness, he was fine, but that scare, that deeply rooted, animalistic maternal panic that rushed over me, kicked in – what I call – Motherhood induced anxiety. For the first time in my life, I just wanted to live in a bubble. I just wanted to protect my child, Benjamin.

Motherhood Induced Anxiety is a force to be reckoned with…

  • I didn’t want Benji to catch the flu.
  • I needed to be sure his car seat was police station safe.
  • G-d forbid I buy a used baby swing when the industry experts said it would be a deathly risk.

With every new cough, new colored poop, and with every new rash I dashed to the doctors.

Now some would call this my motherly instincts. I call it Motherhood Induced Anxiety. It can hide and it can lurk. Sometimes it takes my breath away, it can make me scream, and other times it can make me run and hide.

As a mom, I find myself in a constant state of being alert.

My inner wisdom tells me to relax, but my Motherhood Induced Anxiet, she tells me otherwise. If I relax, my anxiety tells me, I might not have seen the clues that my little one has sensory processing dysfunction. If I relaxed, I would not have been the ONLY ONE to notice my oldest son having petit mal seizures. His teachers missed it, his dad missed. Only his high alert mom picked up on it.

So what am I anxious about now with two boys, 5 and 8?

  • I’m not perfect.
  • I don’t have it all together.
  • I forever lost my 21 year old body.
  • I need to keep my boys safe.
  • I need to give independence, even when it hurts.
  • I’m losing my mind.
  • My boys will one day move away.
  • Or worse, they’ll never leave.

And, why am I writing these words and standing before you exposing my anxiety?

I’m standing here because I believe, somehow, in some way, this Motherhood Induced Anxiety connects all mothers to each other. It’s one of the common, yet often unspoken, threads we share as moms. It’s not the norm to expose our anxiety. If it’s exposed, it’s often coated with humor.

But most of the time, I believe it’s hidden behind closed doors, behind fearful hearts, and tired souls.

As a mom, I know I must find time every day to quiet my mind, relax my body, and feed my soul. I meditate, sleep when I can, and am soulfully fueled by watching my boys play, learn, and grow.

I’m on high alert as a mom..I have Motherhood Induced Anxiety…

But I’m also so much more.

For my children I am a sounding board, a healer, a money machine, and dream maker. I’m also Stacey, a daughter, a wife, a blogger, an entrepreneur. I’m confident, positive, and strong.

I tire easily and I mindfully live with Motherhood Induced Anxiety. When it gets too loud, I retreat into silence. When it gets to hectic, I must clear my mind.

I’m far from perfect and I’m imperfectly perfect all at the same time.