Two weeks ago I started reading May Cause Miracles: A 40-Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness by Gabrielle Bernstein. I’m on Day 14 and have already become more mindful about witnessing my fears and choosing love over fear.
Sure I’m in the process of launching the Inspiring Moms Network. Sure I’m analyzing why I’m on my personal weight loss journey. And sure I’m in the mist of figuring out how to best serve the very different needs of my children. But overall, I have been practicing Gabby’s suggested “Miracle Moments” while moving in-and-out of my day-to-day life over the past two weeks.
- I was journaling every day.
- I was releasing my fears.
- I was allowing myself to choose gratitude, forgiveness, and love instead of fear.
- I was shifting my perspectives.
- I was shifting my consciousness.
- I was loving the book.
- I was enjoying my transformation.
- I was noticing bursts of happiness every time I decided to choose love over fear.
And then….yesterday…I got the phone call.
My dad was in the hospital.
And in a millisecond of a moment, I subconsciously had to choose love over fear…and I chose FEAR. I panicked and cried and got sucked right into my ego’s fear. I immediately felt intensely guilty and sad that I lived 300 miles away from my family. I felt overwhelmingly selfish that I was somehow making this news about ME. I started thinking “Why didn’t anyone call ME when it happened? Why didn’t anyone think to call ME with updates all day? Why didn’t anyone think about ME? Don’t people know how hard it is for ME to be away from family right now? Doesn’t anyone care how scared I am? ME. ME. ME.”
It was an awful feeling.
I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Gabrielle Bernstein has been preparing me for moments like this, because it’s moments like this that I really need to choose if I’m going to live in fear or in love. It’s moments like this that Gabby wants me to choose love over fear, to be grateful instead of horrified, to forgive myself for not living closer to my parents instead of allowing my inner mean girl to beat myself up.
I knew that it is moments like this that I’m being asked to truly believe in miracles and to truly believe in LOVE.
I reviewed some of the chapters I have already read and then started reading yesterday’s chapter. I was about gratitude and the affirmation for the day was:
I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS MOMENT.
There I was, gathering up all of my the courage to choose love over fear, and Gabby and the Universe wanted me to literally go above and beyond and actually be GRATEFUL FOR THIS MOMENT?
I thought this couldn’t possible apply to my situation…that being grateful couldn’t possibly apply to THIS MOMENT IN TIME.
But after a long pause, I knew deep down that I had to trust the process and that even in this moment I needed to be grateful.
So I grabbed my May Cause Miracle journal and starting this flow of consciousness…
I AM GRATEFUL…
- That my dad is my dad, my daddy, and my hero.
- That when I’m with him I laugh so hard that I cry.
- That he is funny.
- That he loves books and history.
- That we love playing Boggle together.
- That we Skype.
- That he loves me.
- That he likes me.
- That he has taken me on so many vacations.
- That he loves exercising his body and mind.
- That he is resilient.
- That he loves the arts.
- That he sings to me.
- That he always wanted to be home for dinner when I was growing up.
- That he used to play with me after dinner and outside when I was little.
- That he drives to Chicago to visit me.
- That he visited me when I was living in Israel.
- That he read me books and made up night time stories for me when I was little girl.
- That he gave me an appreciation for musicals and travel.
- That, before he retired, he loved working for himself.
- That he loves and values vacations.
- That he enjoys life.
- That he plays the harmonica.
- That he plays tennis.
- That he loved his brothers.
- That we have our favorite personal jokes and songs we sing to each other.
- That he loves me and has always supported my dreams.
Wow…Did That Feel GREAT!
When I first got that phone call, I was filled with fear. As I put away my journal and turned off the lights to go to sleep, I felt an overwhelming amount of SELF-LOVE, LOVE for my dad and LOVE for this process.